The Last Night Zachary is Home

Zachary leaves home early tomorrow morning. He is flying to Newark and then on Labor Day he is flying to Tel Aviv and will spend the next nine months in Israel. As a parent, I've got very mixed emotions about this. I'm proud of him, I'm excited for him, I'm optimistic for his success, I'm worried about how he will handle his challenges, I've a nagging concern for his physical safety, but most of all, I'll miss him. In some ways, I miss him already.

He returned home from a summer job in Georgia as a camp counselor. He is quite tall, mostly adult-like in look and manner, and has a self-assurance I've not noticed before. No doubt the goofy kid will make an appearance every now and then, but Zachary is quite grown up. He has a lot to learn about the world and wonderful experiences, but he is already a well-knit personality able to meet most of his own needs and make his own decisions. I still tell him what to do (out of habit, I suppose) but mentally I've cut the apron strings and he will be able to succeed or fail based on his own choices.

I'll miss him. I know I wrote that in a prior paragraph, but it is really hitting home and it hurts. Viscerally. Life as I know it is changing. Empty nesting. Spousal focus. Wondering what to do with myself. Trying not to live my life through my son.

I suppose it wouldn't have been quite so traumatic if Zachary was going off to college somewhere he could visit home from time to time or we could visit from time to time. But going to Israel is a big and expensive trip. We plan to do it in January.

We will remain in touch, of course. Skype, text messages, ICQ, AIM, GoogleTalk/Chat, and email. But I know I'll be looking forward to each contact, and when it comes I won't know what to say.

It isn't that adult children don't need their parents. They just need their parents differently. Parents, on the other hand, need their children. 30 years of jokes about sons not calling their parents come to mind. Frankly, it is terrifying.

Monica will deal with it in her own way. From the outside, it will be easier for her. Internally, I'm not so sure.

Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way. Children grow up, leave home, acheive independence, and establish their own families. I knew it was coming. I ought to be more ready.

I'll be blogging about Zachary's experiences from a Dad's perspective throughout the year. Far more interesting will be Zachary's experiences from his own perspective, as shared on his blog. You will find the link to his blog in the left column and by clicking on the title of this article. Give it a look. Follow it. Comment on it. Encourage him to keep at it.

A few days ago Zachary and I watched a movie together. It was American Graffiti which is about some teenagers on their last night before their "group" breaks up and goes off to college. I think it is a fine move, a classic. Zachary enjoyed it (but couldn't see the point of driving around in circles around town with all the other teens in town doing the same thing.) I suppose it isn't all that exciting compared video games. :) But an important point about the movie is that the parents have insignificant roles that night. For sure, they raised those kids, bought the cars, and provided the gas money and college money. But in all the action of that last night at home, the parents are immaterial. They appear to say goodbye at the airport but they aren't a part of the action.

I'm the parent trying to let go. The most fun, exciting, interesting, and important experiences in Zachary's year abroad won't involve me. He begins the journey to be on his own, build his own life, search for his life's companion, make his own way in the world. I'll be a part of his life for as long as I live, but I know I'll have a secondary or tertiary role.

I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

A
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